The one where you leave him after finding out you’re pregnant (Liam imagine)
Tears were staining your cheeks while you were packing your most important belongings. You knew this was stupid and completely reckless. But you didn’t know a way out. You had been thinking about this for five days now. Five days ago you found out you were pregnant and from the first moment you knew, you loved this baby with every little part of your heart and there was no way you would let it go. Even if it meant leaving Liam. Liam always made it very clear that he didn’t want children. And you loved him enough to accept that. But you had always known, that if there came a day you were pregnant, you wouldn’t be able to even think about abortion. And you knew Liam would. You loved Liam so much that it hurt you, beyond words could explain, to leave him. You couldn’t bear the thought of telling him. You couldn’t bear to see the disappointment in his eyes. You couldn’t bear speaking the words out loud. So you decided you’d leave him, without saying a word, in the middle of the day. You felt like a coward. But you knew he was going to try to change your mind and you didn’t want to doubt. This child was yours and you couldn’t let it go… Not for Liam. Not for anyone. So when you finished packing everything, you placed the envelop with your letter to him on the dinner table, you took your suitcase and stepped out of the door, feeling broken and wrecked inside. Every part of your body screamed you to stay. And you wanted to stay. But you couldn’t. You just couldn’t.
From the moment I stepped inside the house after a day recording in the studio, I knew something was wrong. Her car was gone. Her shoes were gone. Her coats didn’t hang by the door. I felt this weird feeling in my chest when I saw a letter laying onto the table. A letter with my name on it. This is not happening, was the only thing I could think about when I ignored the letter, ran upstairs, calling her name. Although I knew she wouldn’t respond. I didn’t need to see the empty closet. I didn’t need to see all her stuff missing in the bathroom. I didn’t need to see anything of it to know she was gone. But… why? I knew the reason why would be described in the letter. And I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to know. My heart was aching for her. Her stuff not being here. It was like everything about her was gone. Like she never lived here. The only thing what stayed behind was the letter. It was the only reminder for me that she was real. That what we had was something. And I wished to say that the thing we had was real too… But at this point, it felt like I knew nothing. Like I lost every bit of confidence I ever had.
I moved myself down the stairs again. And every step felt heavy and tiring. I placed myself on one of the chairs of the dinner table and took the letter in my hand. For a second there, I doubted. I doubted opening it. Just because I wasn’t sure if I would survive. But then again. I wouldn’t mind not survive if she was really gone. So I opened the letter and read it.
I figure you noticed my stuff isn’t there anymore. I am happy you are reading this though. Because I know you doubted reading it. And well… I can tell you I doubted writing this as well.
For the last couple of days I doubted everything. Every little aspect of my life, of your life, of our life together. Don’t think for one second that I ever doubted loving you. Because I love you. Still. With everything that I have. But I don’t think it’s enough at this point… . The reason I’m gone is because I found out that I’m pregnant. I know we’ve been talking about this. I know your view on it. And I always respected that. But somehow we did get pregnant. I don’t know how it happened, Li, but I’m two hundred percent sure it’s yours. So don’t doubt that as well, please. It’s because I know how you think about having children, that I decided to leave. Because the fact that I respected your choice, doesn’t mean that I don’t have a heart for children. And I always promised myself that if I ever got pregnant, I would never, ever, let go of my child. I know that’s what you would want me to do. And that’s why I’m not with you anymore now.
I know I didn’t leave you much of a choice. But I do think this is the best for the both of us, in the long run. Because I know it doesn’t seem like it right now. I know you’re hurt. I know you feel awful and I know that those words can’t even compete to what you’re feeling right now, or what I’m feeling right now, writing this. And I am so… so… sorry for that.
Please don’t try to contact me. I won’t pick up my phone. This IS the best for you, Liam. You need to focus on what you love doing: performing and being with the boys. Please don’t shut them out. There is a good chance Zayn will call you not much later than you reading this letter. I’m going to contact him just about the time you come home. So I know you’re not alone in this.
I love you. I will never stop loving you, Liam Payne.
I wish you every bit of luck in your life. Because you deserve it, all of it.
If dying felt like this, it was even much worse than I ever imagined it to be. I heard my heart breaking with every word she had written. I felt her hurt. I saw her tears in front of my eyes. I felt my own tears fighting the urge to fall down. She’s pregnant. She’s pregnant with my baby, our baby. And I wished I could be mad at her. I wished I could hate her for doing this to me. But I couldn’t. Because I understood. I understood what she did and why she did it. And maybe I had always known it would happen like this if she got pregnant.
I jumped up from the ringing of my phone and when I looked at the screen, Zayns photo appeared, meaning he was the caller. I didn’t want to pick up. Because from the moment I would pick up, it would be official. She would be gone. I would be alone. And the boys were going to be there to help me get through it. But it was useless. I could never get through this. I would never be able to love anyone more than I ever loved Y/N. So I was never going to get over this. And when I picked up the phone. And I heard Zayns voice. I broke down.
Six months later…